A female guide to surviving the tube

It's wild out there.


London tube can be intense. Especially for a woman. So many things can go wrong! But worry not - we got you covered. Scroll down for our top tips on how to survive your next trip.

  1. 1 Take a bottle of water to stay hydrated

    Regardless of the season, it’s like going into a sweaty hell. Stay hydrated. Stay focused.

  2. 2 Wear comfortable shoes so you can easily step over the bodies of the weak that gave up along the way

    Don't let anyone slow you down. You're on a mission.

  3. 3 Quickly make a salt ring around you once you get on the train to keep people away

    Bonus: it also keeps vampires away.

  4. 4 Squeeze McDonald’s into a tiny perfume bottle and spray it at aggressive commuters

    No one likes the smell of fast food. They'll run like crazy.

  5. 5 Attach several (unused) tampons and pads to your clothing to avoid men grabbing you without your permission

    40% of young women in London have suffered sexual harassment in public. Be one step ahead of them. Let repulsion be your weapon.

  6. 6 Always carry a beach ball with you to help man spreaders utilise sitting space more efficiently

    Alternatives include, but are not limited to: watermelons, balloons, and bags filled with rubbish.

  7. 7 When a man touches you inappropriately, start singing 'You Can't Touch This' as loudly and as badly as possible

    Make sure to include a little choreography as well. Show them who's the boss here.

  8. 8 And finally, when travelling on the weekends, make sure to carry tiny bottles of vodka with you to distract the drunkards that might come your way

    It works like dog treats, trust us.