Unfortunately our lecturers can't teach us how to accio the remote, polyjuice into Taylor Swift/Ryan Gosling lookalikes or wingardium leviosa our flatmates, but that doesn't mean they don't bear a surprising similarity to our favourite academics.
1. The Oxbridge alumni
The only member of staff in a three piece suit and top to toe tweed. At the same time. Office hours include reminiscing, grammar debates, and probably a whisky or four.
2. The one who’s office hour you avoid
Scary, and not in a good way, there's no earthly reason you'd go to see them alone (thereby RISKING YOUR LIFE just to discuss your essay)
3. ...but, against your better judgement, really want to go to
Scary, and in a hot way. Possibly psychologically damaged goods, substantial mass murderer potential... but it's worth it.
4. The one everyone fancies
Young, classically good looking - this lecturer scores outrageously high in the world of academia, purely because they're the only member of the department under the age of 60
5. The one
Less young, less classically good looking, possibly going a bit bald, you don't know why but you just can't help yourself
6. The mentor
Wise beyond belief, if you're lucky this professor is one of your tutors for a smaller class. They're strict on the outside, but inside is a heart of gold, a dose of maternal pride, and a never-ending helping hand to guide you through.
7. The supreme bitch
You're just really, really hoping she doesn't mark your essay.
8. The PhD student lecturer
Permanently anxious and looks about 8 years old. Odd dress sense that is far older than they are, generally trying to be casually "down with the kids" and usually involving clarks shoes/a zip-up cardigan.
9. The lecture you’re always on time for
Be honest, you're ten minutes early and you're still shitting yourself.
10. The labs supervisor
Bubbly and helpful, but maintains strict control of the bizarre activities going on around her at all times.
11. The arts professor
Most likely to teach English Literature or Theatre Studies, this professor is all flowing scarves and myriad necklaces and giant glasses. Expect their room to be accessorized with hundreds of books, lots of tea-making equipment, wonderful carpets and possibly the odd crystal ball. Talks in metaphors.