"Eeeurgh! What was that?" my first girlfriend shrieked. "It... that... it was a kiss," I spluttered. "Is that what you call a kiss? That was like being resuscitated by a rabid Alsatian."
"Please," she begged. "Never do that again." And to this day, I have never kissed another human being.
None of that is true. What is true, however, is that kissing is an art form. And like all art forms, it's open to interpretation. Which is why we decided to ask some people - normal folk, like you and I - what they think makes a good kisser.
First, we asked some actual people what makes a good kisser
Alex, 25: "Someone with lips."
Alice, 23: “You have to pick your tongue moment, you can’t just go lunging in like a samurai.”
Jay, 28: “It’s contextual; it depends on what kind of kiss you’re going for. A greeting-type kiss with little pecks is nice, it doesn’t have to be all *waggles tongue around*. But when the mood calls for it, a little bit of tongue to say ‘It’s go time’ is good. Less is more with tongue.”
Sally, 26: "No slobber. Slobbering is unnecessary, you can have a passionate tender kiss, but refrain on the excess saliva and frantic, darting tongue movements. Keep it passionate but don’t go overboard, just a happy, not-too-slobbery, not-too-aggressive kiss."
Natasha, 22: “Not too sloppy, that’s the main thing.”
Xander, 26: "I think enthusiasm is the most vital thing when it comes to kissing. And sex. And tax returns."
Sam, 26: "I'm gonna go with knowing how much tongue is a good amount of tongue."
Anna, 25: “There needs to be big kisses mixed with little kisses; it’s nice when it’s passionate, but little sweet kisses make you really feel cared for."
We also put the question out to the online community, first to Reddit
One day, one day.
Then to Quora
And in conclusion?
If you're looking for actual advice on kissing, this is it: be in the moment, be enthusiastic, don't use too much tongue and don't bang your teeth together.
If you're looking for advice on asking people for advice, this is it: people rarely take anything seriously, but when it comes to getting off, they'll tell you everything.
Now you know, so get yourself on an INSTNT group date and see what happens...
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