Forget contortionistic sex positions and expensive toys. Here are the tricks you need to master if you want to really blow their minds in the bedroom. And none of them involve getting candle wax on your sheets, because candle wax is only hot in the literal sense.
1 Use ice
In a glass of cold water. Next to the bed. Sex is thirsty work!
2 Feel free to stop kissing if there's a hair in your mouth
Honesty is very important with your partner. And to be honest, this is grossing me out.
3 Have a huge... brain
Use your big, sexy brain to concentrate on all those little sensory details when you're in the sack, so you're really in the moment. Or use it to get creative with your foreplay. It's your biggest sexual organ!
4 Get food involved
Sex can make you super peckish. Have some snacks to hand so nobody has to make the dreaded walk to the kitchen.
5 Put Teddy away
He's been with you your whole life but his poor, beady little eyes don't need to see this.
6 Lock the door
There's nothing like unexpected cat claws on your bare butt to ruin the mood.
7 Laugh it off
Farts happen. So do queefs! Making your partner feel comfortable by not taking sex too seriously is so hot. It's meant to be fun, after all.
8 Be passionate in the morning...
About breakfast. If 'over easy' is easy peasy for you, prepare for your B&B to be fully booked all year round.
Find Sam on Twitter: @aileyun