Whether you instigated it or not, break ups royally suck. However, as your grandmother probably told you – this too shall pass. That's all very well. But in the interim, there are a few things you should try NOT to help you feel slightly less crappy. It’s a shitstorm already, don't make it any worse.
1 Saying you'll 'stay friends'
We know it’s the civilised thing that proper grown-ups say when they split up but if you can't face it, then that’s fine too. It doesn’t make you any less of a grown up just because you don’t want to buddy up with the person who trampled over your heart. Maybe in a few months, but now? No way.
2 Keeping him/her on your social media
The problem with this pesky modern age is that everyone leaves a splattering of themselves all over the internet every goddamn move they make. And you’re injured heart can’t handle it. You don’t have to go through the horror of knowing all the super fun things he’s getting up to now you’re no longer a thing. Nor do you want to obsess over who exactly that overly made-up blonde is. Keeping tabs on your ex on Facebook is certain torture – nip it in the bud. At least hide them from your damn news feed. Ideally block. You can always unblock.
3 Re-reading WhatsApp conversations
Going through your old WhatsApp conversations is like eating McDonalds – it feels oh so delicious at the time but eventually you just end up feeling sick. Archive to save your sanity. The lovely person of then isn’t the real person of now and reliving the good times over and over in your head is just going to pick the scab back open.
4 Keeping his number saved
We know this is just about the toughest thing ever but the odds are that if you don’t get rid you will end up drunk texting. Your ex will reply and give you false hope. You won’t move on for even longer. There is no good coming from this.
5 Getting a drastic haircut
Don’t get a cliché haircut. Makeover your bed instead. That can be undone. You don’t want to be reminded of Sunday morning lie-ins and your new look linen will mark a new, more fabulous chapter in your life.
Don't just sulk around wallowing in self-pity - get out and sign up to some sort of form of aggressive exercise. Endorphins plus beating the shit of a punch bag equals the ultimate break-up cocktail. Channel your current nihilism into something positive. (And something that will get your bod in killer shape.) Look up a Body Combat class near you.
7 Stay in
You have custody of the Netflix account and finally can watch all the stuff he didn’t fancy. Watch a shit ton of TV and whatever you do – do not feel you ‘have’ to go out to ‘prove’ just what a jam packed and fulfilling social life you have. You are enough.
8 Rush back into dating
Jumping into something too quickly can just lead to accidental hook-ups, sudden fights, spontaneous crying fits, and other antisocial habits. No one ever sexed their way out of heartbreak.
9 Have a sacrificial bonfire
Do not destroy your relationship mementos – however much you want to set them alight right now soon this will be a past experience to reflect upon, so hang on to those old movie tickets, photos, and little notes for now. Just not in your bedroom.
10 Fantasize about getting them back
Don't hatch plans to get back together — hatch plans to get yourself back.It sounds cliché, yes, but it is important. Try a 30 day detox from all things ex-related, where you only focus on you.
11 Air your grievances on social media
Don’t attempt to express your recent injustice on any form of social media however much you truly believe the world needs to know the truth. YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT. A single cry face emoji is neither mysterious or subtle. However, definitely do post one single killer new profile pic.
12 Regress in your mind
‘If only I hadn't started that argument/ dyed my hair blonde /hadn’t drunk that much’ are all thoughts that your mind probably will have – but ones that need to be rounded up and shot down. All that happened is that you fell in love with the wrong person – next time you might fall in love with the right person.
Time, oh great healer do your work.
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