Think you’re quite the swearer? Know your F-words from your C-words and you MFs from your BSs? Think again - thanks to a new iPhone app you’ll see just how much you’re yet to learn.
Famously ‘blue’ comic Viz has launched the official potty-mouth’s bible - Roger’s Profanisaurus.
With over 10,000 rude words and dirty phrases at your fingertips you’ll never be short of an insult again.
Here are some of the best phrases that you may not have come across (and that we can publish)...
n. A cod-musical, tuneless screeching a**e ballad involving a surfeit of Mariah Carey-style faux-soul grimacing, which brings tears to the eyes of anyone unlucky enough to hear it.
n. Situation where a computer user's desktop gets taken over by erotic pop-ups which are opening faster than he can close them.
n. Dalmatian-spotted suede shoes that have been standing too close to a urinal.
n. An amorous dwarf.
n. Technique employed by professional footballers and gentlemen of the road, whereby one nostril is held closed whilst its companion is evacuated on to the pavement or turf by means of a sharp nasal exhalation.
Got football at ten-thirty
phr. Useful Sunday morning escape phrase to be used when your beer goggles demist to reveal you didn't cop off with Maria off Coronation Street but with her late neighbour Blanche instead. Works especially well when the football season is actually in progress.