We know you haven't really had time to catch up on news this week. That's okay, you're busy and important. You like things short and snappy, we get it.
Here are the most important stories for this weekend's pub chat.
1 Student suicides are on the rise
Student suicides have risen to their highest level since at least 2007, according to new figures.
Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that there were 130 suicides in England and Wales among full-time students aged 18 or above in 2014, compared to 100 the previous year.
2 The Night Tube start date has finally been confirmed
Finally, the actual start date of the Night Tube has been announced - 19th August 2016.
The 24-hour Friday and Saturday night service will begin on the Central and Victoria lines, and then the Piccadilly, Jubilee and Northern lines will follow later in the year.
3 Guy leaves glasses in art gallery, everyone thinks it's art
A San Fransisco teen decided to test the modern art theory that "my four-year-old could've done that!" by leaving his glasses on the floor at an exhibition.
Believe it or not, people took the bait.
4 David Cameron pretended to do his weekly ASDA shop
A rather bewildered-looking Prime Minister graced the pages of The Sun last weekend in his latest attempt to convince the public to stay in the EU ahead of next month's referendum.
Accompanying images of David Cameron eyeing up broccoli were the PM's warnings that the food and clothing bill of the average family would rise by £220 if we decide to leave.
5 Five refugees killed in Med capsize
Hundreds of refugees were saved by the Italian navy when a repurposed fishing boat capsized in the Mediterranean.
Five people were killed after the overloaded vessel flipped. More than 500 were saved, a feat that the International Organisation for Migration (IOM) described as a "miracle".
6 Woman gets revenge on cheating ex with Game of Thrones spoilers
You'd think, after spending five seasons in Westeros, this Reddit-user's boyfriend might have learned what happens to cheaters. But no, unfortunately for this guy, he had to be taught a lesson in girl power - Game of Thrones style.
7 Uber knows when your phone is dying and uses it against you
You're not just imagining it: an Uber is more expensive when you really, really need one.
The head of economic research at Uber, Keith Chen, revealed to NPR's Hidden Brain programme that Uber is able to record when you're running out of charge, and is more likely to charge you a higher taxi fare as a result.
8 Angelina Jolie bags prof job at LSE
Angelina Jolie will soon be teaching postgrads at the London School of Economics.
The Hollywood star will teach on the uni's new MSc programme in Women, Peace and Security from September.
9 Most people don't think we'll leave the EU
Most Brits think Brexit won't happen, according to a new poll.
According to a survey by Conservative peer, Michael Ashcroft, 65% of voters think we'll stay in the EU and 35% think the Vote Leave campaign will come out on top.
Need a refresher on the EU? Check out our dummies' guide here.
10 Legal highs ban comes into force
A blanket ban of all legal highs, or any "substance intended for human consumption that is capable of producing a psychoactive effect", has come into force in the UK.
Possession of legal highs will not be a criminal offence, but producing or supplying psychoactive substances could land you with seven years in jail.
Feature image: Flickr/Tim Lawrenz/tseyin/iStock