This is the best picture of a dog that has ever existed
Have you ever seen a better picture of a dog? I don't care, because you haven't. This is the best picture of a dog that you ever have or ever will see. I'll go one step further: have you ever seen a better picture full stop? Again, I don't care, because you haven't.
This dog is my hero. This dog has inspired me more than David Bowie, Billie Jean King and Nelson Mandela ever could. This dog speaks to me, and it says: "Look at me. Look to me. This life, this moment, this can be yours." And this dog; I believe this dog.
If a picture paints a thousand words, this is Moby Dick. It's not that there's a lot going on ("This picture of a dog is like a renaissance painti-" oh, shut up) but the depth of narrative and emotion is just so profound. There are so many questions, so many avenues of exploration.
The dog has a hamburger - a McDonald's Cheeseburger, if I'm not mistaken - in its mouth. Immediately, we're thinking: how did the dog get that burger? Did someone give the dog that burger? Did the dog find the burger? Is it a stolen burger? Is this dog wanted for burgerlary? Was that the best pun of all time?
We can't be sure, but already the mythology of Dog With A Burger In Its Mouth builds.
Unlike most of the great works in the history of art, we don't know who created Dog With A Burger In Its Mouth. Being a modern photographic work, we can be fairly confident that the artist still lives, and if he or she steps forward to claim their authorship, I will oblige with full credit.
Not only that, but I will take them for a slap-up meal of McDonald's Cheeseburgers to thank them for their service to my soul. And the dog, if it happens to be around. But I digress. The fact that we don't know who authored Dog With A Burger In Its Mouth further adds to its mystique; a singular event between two unknowns, between man and beast. And burger.
We are lucky, privileged, even, to bear witness to this moment. But the best thing about this picture is not the journey, but the journey's end: the expression on the dog's face.
This is more than bliss, this is nirvana. Through a McDonald's Cheeseburger, acquired we know not how, this dog has transcended all earthly pains and grievances. This dog, Dog With A Burger In Its Mouth, represents the aim, the goal, the point of being.
If the meaning of life is to live it well, we should all look to this dog as our spiritual leader. It has no materialistic desires, it dreams not of fame and fortune. It doesn't know that these things won't make it happy; it doesn't even know what will make it happy. What does this dog know?
This dog knows happiness.
This dog knows contentment.
And so, this dog knows everything worth knowing.
I look at Dog With A Burger In Its Mouth every day. It inspires me not to dream bigger, but to realise the dream I'm living: happiness is but a mere mouthful away.