Is it us or is children's TV these days kinda...timid? Like, where are all the drug overdoses and people falling out of windows and dying of mysterious brain illnesses in the back of their teachers' cars?
Honestly, watch a couple of episodes of vintage Byker Grove or Grange Hill and you'll realise just how easy kids have it these days. And to jog your memory, here are some of the series' darkest moments...
1 When Geoff, King of Moustaches, died in an explosion
That's what you get for having such a flammable moustache.
2 When Judi Jeffreys fell out a window (and died)
Great misdirect with the fire though. Watch, relive the horror, here.
3 When Jemma Dobson was electrocuted
In her death, this Byker babe gave us all the gift of plug socket safety. What a champ.
4 When Zammo Maguire was addicted to heroin
This shit was hardcore.
5 When PJ got blasted in the eye with a paintball
6 ...and went BLIND
7 When Danny Kendall died in Mr Bronson's car
8 When Ben Carter got run over and killed
Luckily Andrew Hayden-Smith went on to present CBBC so in a way, it's like he never died at all.
DID YOU HEAR THAT EVERYONE? BEN'S STILL ALIVE. EVERYTHING'S OK.
9 When Cathy Hargreaves was chased by a child molester
Honestly, this sequence is more tense than a series finale episode of Game of Thrones.
10 When Duncan joined a cult
Looking back, Byker Grove was basically skewering Scientology - and before anyone else had thought to do it. Good work, lads.
11 When Jeremy Irvine drowned
12 When PJ & Duncan left the Grove for good
Feature image © BBC