What is this, 1348? There was no summer in the Middle Ages, get out of here.
Thick, heavy and, worst of all, warm - ale is basically the opposite of what you want on a hot summer's day. Unless you're an old man with a beard wearing socks and sandals, and even then you'd probably go for a shandy.
How best to stay cool when its 25°C outside... yes, a glass of burning hot liquid is just what I need. Whisky is a wonderful fire-side winter warmer, but setting your throat alight is definitely not the way forward in summer.
16 Red wine
Perhaps you can have a glass at sunset, at that moment when it gets noticeably chilly, but you're too bloody British to go indoors just yet. But otherwise, why on earth would you choose a drink that you're actively discouraged from chilling? You would literally have no chill if you chose red wine.
15 Rosé wine
Choosing rosé over red would make more sense if it weren't for the fact that rosé wine is an absolute disgrace; an affront to the good name of wine itself. It's Ribena masquerading as wine, it is not for civil company. The proof is in the uniquely hammersome hangovers rosé wine induces - and it jolly well serves you right.
14 Rum and coke
A step in the right direction. Ice and a slice? Check. Chilled fizzy mixer? Check. The only question is: why? Why would you choose a rum and coke? It's hard to put your finger on the reason, but it just doesn't add up. The bartender would raise an eyebrow, pause, then comply with your order, because it's not their place to question the customer's order. But they wanted to.
What kind of punch? Doesn't matter - that's the great thing about punch. If it's liquid, alcoholic and in a punch bowl, it counts as punch (technically, it probably has to have some fruit juice in to count as punch, but whatever).
When you've got people coming over to hang out in your garden and you want to look as though you've made some kind of effort, punch is ideal. Slosh enough booze in there and you'll have a summer drink that packs quite a... whallop.
Provided that they're chilled to an acceptable level, a couple of brewskis can really hit the spot on a summer's day. The only issue is that one too many beers in baking hot sunshine can leave you all groggy. Grogginess leads to sleepiness, and sleepiness leads to waking up pinker than a lobster's blush.
11 Wetherspoons pitcher
Yes, specifically Wetherspoons. Why? Because they represent excellent value for money, especially if you drink a whole jug of Woo Woo to yourself. But really, they're best enjoyed shared between you and a couple of your layabout mates in the beer garden.
There are few spirits better suited to summer than tequila, but it's a bit heavy-going to sit there and knock back shot after shot of the golden stuff. Enter the margarita. Salty round the rim, sharp in the glass, yet one of the most goddamn refreshing things you've ever tasted.
Summer isn't just about getting pissed in a playground; you gots to class it up sometimes. Naturally you're too poor for champagne, so a bottle of prosecco fits the bill perfectly. Nothing says "middle class and loving it" like the pop of a prosecco bottle, but who gives a hoot?
If you want to stay down to earth, cider's the guy. And by 'down to earth' we mean 'passed out in the dirt', because that's the power of cider. Obviously you don't need to take it to that extreme, but there's something about the magic of cider that makes it just so appealing.
7 Piña colada
Piña colada basically owns the copyright on summer, so we were legally obliged to have it in the top 10. It is a good drink thoug- *nudge from lawyer* a great drink. Really great.
6 White wine
If you're stuck for ideas or low on imagination, white wine is always an acceptable go-to. But because it's such a broad-reaching classic, it deserves a place near the top. The sheer range and availability of white wine - not to mention the fact that you can actually chill the damn stuff - makes it a classic summer sozzler.
5 Fruit cider
It's a newcomer, coming straight in at number five. Fruity cider is rapidly becoming a pub staple, and it's easy to see why: it's goddamn delicious. Look, it's even got the word 'summer' on the label, what more proof do you need?
You could drink sangria by the bucketful, and you have, cos we've seen you do it. But that's okay, who can honestly say they've never sat down on a patch of grass and guzzled bucket after bucket of sangria?
It's fruity, it doesn't taste terribly boozy, but it does get you to a special place that no other alcohol can. Put simply, this shit is nectar.
Minty-tingly-tasty-wasty. A freshly-made mojito is hard to beat, the cool mint and smooth Bacardi are a match made in heaven. Plus you look like a cocktail king when making one - just don't muddle the mint! Or do muddle the mint, can never remember which.
"WHAT?! HOW COULD PIMM'S BE NUMBER TWO? IT'S THE ULTIMATE SUMMER DRIIIIIIINK!!!!!"
Now, listen. Pimm's is brilliant, hence why it's so high up on the list. But it is a fiddly pain in the bum to make it properly. Too much chopping, pouring, mixing - when it's hot and sticky out, you don't want to be faffing around so much. Which is why, at number one...
1 Gin and tonic
Glorious. Glory in a glass; that's a G&T. It's crisp, it's refreshing, it tastes SUBLIME. It's super easy to make, and even the pre-made gin and tonics are delicious. Pimm's, it's time to take a bow, step off the podium, and let gin have it's day.
Ladies and gentlemen, your winner. Enjoy!