People say that Karaoke is a love or hate thing. That you either can't wait to project your vocals to an entire room, or you'll do anything - honest to god, anything - to get out of the situation.
But what if you were born to perform, but croon without tune? A karaoke king that can't fucking sing?
Fear not - with a few ingenious methods, it's not only the Beyonces and Princes among us who will have their moment of glory. It's people like Dave from accounts, who lives to unleash his inner J-Lo too.
1 Acquire killer dance moves
This kid can't sing, but HELL can she DANCE.
2 Pick a REALLY busy karaoke bar
People will be too busy shouting at each other to hear you. What. A. Shame.
3 Wear outrageously sparkly clothing
"What's that terrible sound?" the audience will cry, until they're mesmerised by the number of sequins on your sleeves instead.
4 Hold the mic two inches further from your face
Better to sound like two foxes mating quietly than two foxes mating loudly.
5 Beg a friend to join you
Or two friends if your singing's particularly atrocious.
6 Sing Survivor by Destiny's Child
Easy to sing collaboratively with friends, easy to descend into 'Woaaaohohh's which don't really have to be in tune.
7 Wear the mask of a well-known politician
Everyone loves hating on politicians, so they'll blame them instead when you screech out a version of What Would You Do? by City High.
8 Pretend you're even more smashed than you are
Tell everyone your singing's usually mistaken for Mariah Carey's, but it's just the drink affecting things, y'know?
9 Realise that no one cares
YOU CAN DO IT.
Feature image: YouTube/MovieclipsPROMO