11 foods that make you grown up as fuck

Waiter, my olives aren't hurting my tongue enough.


Sure, there was a time we liked potato smileys, when pasta and cheese was our thing, when we were out for a meal and refused anything that wasn't chicken nuggets.

But now that we're old, embittered adults, things have changed. And some of us in particular have tastes that are so mature that we've really gone and out-adulted ourselves.

If you like any of the below foods congratulations; better start paying more attention to that pension scheme.

  1. 1 Coffee that's strong AF
    Source: Katherine Lim

    While everyone nurses their Starbucks caramel macchiatos, you chug down black bitter Americanos, cackling.

    And according to one Harvard scientist, drinking it makes you live longer. So it's literally making you older.

  2. 2 Balsamic vinegar
    Balsamic vinegar
    Source: Tim Ereneta

    It was foul-smelling, eye-burning stuff that grown ups were obsessed with putting on everything.

    Now it's sweet vinegar-y nectar that we're obsessed with putting on everything.

  3. 3 Olives
    Source: CeresB

    If you like olives, you're now that person that 'fancies a nibble' before your Michelin star meal arrives. The person who barely remembers the days of serving Doritos and dip at house parties.

    Welcome to a brave new world.

  4. 4 Avocados
    Source: threelayercake

    Only a true adult can realise mushy green goo is actually unbearably delicious.

    We want it in salads, by itself, or mashed on toast for chrissake. Just get in my belly.

  5. 5 Anchovies
    anchovy pizza
    Source: su-lin

    Woah there, Buster, did you just order anchovies on your pizza to look quirky?

    Nope. You could eat a whole tin with nothing else, you sick mature fuck.

  6. 6 Scotch
    Whisky in glass
    Source: Virtous One

    Fine, it may not be a food, but has anyone ever been ID'd asking for a double Bell's with no ice? Hell, you'd probably serve a twelve-year-old who asked for that.

  7. 7 Really brown bread
    Brown bread
    Source: How can I recycle this

    Warburtons Toastie Sliced White Bread is like the kitten of the bread world.

    But you are a tiger.

  8. 8 Asparagus
    Source: John

    What kid in their right mind would want to eat something that looks like small mutated trees? After all, it does make your pee smell.

    Of experience, responsibility and wisdom, that is.

  9. 9 Capers
    Capers in jar
    Source: Mate Marschalko

    What even are capers?

    It doesn't really matter. The main thing is that because you like capers, you probably know about 'delicatessens', 'tapenade' and 'remoulade'.

    Look at you - you'll be putting a deposit down on a cottage in the south of France next.

  10. 10 Grapefruit
    Source: Rosana Prada

    It's a well known fact that as your age increases, so do your masochistic tendencies.

    Grapefruit is like eating an orange - but with added pain - and gosh darn do you love it.

  11. 11 Tomato juice
    Bloody marys
    Source: Karyn Christner

    You don't need your liquids to taste sweet and fruity. Hell, not only do you want them savoury, but laced with vodka and Tabasco.

    Only someone that's spent years killing off their tastebuds could subject their mouth to such an onslaught.

    Feature image: dan hodgett