Board games: something you do with the family, sober, during the holidays.
Drinking: the opposite of the above.
"But why not both at the same time?" You cry, desperately wishing you could play Risk steaming drunk as well as angry.
Screw this apartheid of games and drink, because every board game out there can be drastically improved with the addition of alcohol.
1 Tequila Monopoly
Like regular Monopoly, only you can exchange your suffering for money. Just like in the real world.
If you land on someone else's property and have to pay say, £500 rent, you have the opportunity of halving this if you do a shot of tequila.
Capitalism: when we're drunk and poor.
2 Angry Drunk Risk
You know that feeling when someone conquers your land in Risk? Bites, doesn't it?
Make that pain more lasting by assigning each country a different alcohol. Any time someone loses a territory, they have to down that alcohol.
Australia can be a glass of wine, Europe a pint of lager - you get the gist.
3 'Shots Shots Shots' Chess
Not the most colourful of games - and very irritating if your opponent actually knows how to play it.
Add some spark by assigning a shot to each chess piece, and when you lose one, drink its shot.
That's up to eight shots each. Reasonable, no?
4 The Game of Drunk Life
If this game does represent life as promised, you need to make it more realistic by being drunk throughout.
Every time you land on the pay day square, down a pint.
And every time you have a child? A shot.
Again, for realism.
5 Operation Drunk
You've probably noticed there's a pattern here.
'Bzzz' = down the drink you have.
Every time you make an accusation that's disproven, down your drink.
You all do a shot of Sambuca at the end if the murder was done with the lead piping. JUST BECAUSE.
7 Guess Who's Drunk
Ask your opponent any questions you like.
But if you have to ask anything about gender or hats, drink. Modern society doesn't have time for such labels.
8 Trivial Pursuit of Drunkeness
Sometimes, you just don't have the correct answer.
That's because you're crap. Drink at each failure, you failure.
9 Drunkenary Pictionary
Not only do you have to guess what the hell your partner is drawing, but you have to waterfall your drink at the same time, too.
Life is hard.
10 Bananagrams of alcohol
If you've played Bananagrams much, you'll be familiar with the dreaded exclamation "PEEL".
In this game, not only must you draw another letter at hearing this, but you take a good, deep gulp of your drink.
11 I'm-so-drunk-I-feel-a-bit-sick Scrabble
In this game you're often palmed off with too many vowels.
So now, as well as having to make an actual word out of 'OEEIOU', you have another job.
Each time it’s your go, for every vowel that you have in your letter standy thing - you guessed it - drink two fingers.
Your vocab will improve, fast.
Feature image: Alice Sholl/Instagram, dreamstime, Wikipedia