There were few better ways to while away your existence than running the virtual lives of a bunch of pixel people on The Sims. Most of us were happy enough to build a house, get a job and make our Sims' lives as happy as possible.
Did we say 'happy as possible?' We mean 'a living portrait of eternal misery'. The Sims was less of a game about happiness and more of an exploration of torture and depravity. Where was the fun in going to work and building conservatories?
Now, drowning people in pools and setting babies on fire - that's a way to have fun.
1 Setting babies on fire and ignoring them
"Shh, Mummy's got a major killstreak on Quake going on. In fact, you could say we're both... on fire."
2 Making Sims into neat freaks and putting them in filthy houses
For some people, this is an accurate representation of three years of student accommodation.
3 Putting the fridge in the most inaccessible space possible
Starving is evil, but why stave a Sim when you can tease them to death?
4 Perving on Sims while they're in the bathroom
It's probably not fair to blame The Sims for awakening your voyeuristic tendencies, but it does go some way to explaining why you're up a tree with a pair of binoculars, you sick fuck.
5 Emotionally abusing Sims with their partner's infidelity
Monogamy be damned; photography be praised! Therapy be expensive.
6 Building maze pools that are impossible to navigate without drowning
Taking the pool ladder away is all well and good when it comes to drowning people in your back yard, but it's a bit old hat now. Endless maze pools, on the other hand, are the new vogue in psychopathic killing.
7 Installing giant toilets in your neighbourhood
Hey buddy, this may be a shitty neighbourhood, but come on!
8 Hosting pool parties in 1x1 pools
Intimate. Fatally intimate.
9 Throwing babies on the grill like it's no big deal
Alright, alright, stop panicking. The baby takes about 30 minutes to cook all the way through, that's plenty of time to catch Holby City.
10 Building underground torture dungeons
This is Milton. Milton is in his special place. If you'd like to get to know Milton better, you can read his story.
11 Building art sweatshops
If you want to make some serious moolah and have no moral issue with forcing people to live in a lightless bunker, constantly churn out art and never see a penny of the profit, then you should consider making your own sweatshop.
Hot dog costumes are optional.
12 Building actual slave plantations
Of all the fucked up things people have done in The Sims, recreating a slave plantation is probably right at the top. But the most disturbing thing about it is how accurate it is.
13 Dressing Sims as Loki and making them stab people
Okay, so it's a niche market, and less of a Loki-like figure and more of a Howard from The Big Bang Theory, but still.
14 Building elaborate mazes around their houses
This surely has to take the biscuit. Take it - that biscuit is all yours, strange weirdo.