The 11 emotional stages of going to a job interview

Did they actually stalk me on Facebook?

Interview feat

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Of all the 'making people like you' exercises, job interviews are the worst. At least no one makes you wear a suit on a first date.

  1. 1 The what-does-smart-casual-even-mean dilemma

    The two most cruelly ambiguous words in the English dictionary. Does this mean 'something that's not a suit' or 'torn jeans and a boob tube'? Nobody knows.

  2. 2 The this-could-be-my-new-commute journey

    After spending 45 minutes face-in-armpit, not getting the job suddenly seems like less of a big deal.

  3. 3 The moment you spot another candidate in the lobby

    Not only do they look less nervous than you feel, they also have smart-casual down.

  4. 4 The last minute flick-through of your covering letter

    That thing you said about knowing how to code doesn't seem so smart now, does it?

  5. 5 The awkward greeting

    Why are handshakes always so... Moist?

  6. 6 The agonising small talk about your journey to the office

    You long to rant about sweaty armpit dude but all that comes out is: 'Oh yeah, less than an hour, really not bad at all.'

  7. 7 The I'm-really-amazing-but-not-a-dickhead spiel

    There's no way to answer 'why do you think you'd be suitable for this role?' without having a massive boast-fest.

  8. 8 The 'how much are you worth?' question

    Apparently, 'Enough to cover my rent, bills and a weekly bottle of vodka to make this all bearable' isn't an acceptable answer.

  9. 9 The struggles of imagining yourself in five year's time

    If you knew where you'd be in five year's time you'd have a successful psychic business by now, and you certainly wouldn't have wasted an afternoon interviewing for this boring recruitment job.

  10. 10 The moment you try to gauge how you did

    Is that a 'you've got the job' smile or a 'thank god I never have to see you again' smile?

  11. 11 And now, the wait...

    We'll let you know tomorrow always means at least a fortnight.

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    Feature image: HBO

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